Oh the things that I take for granted

Hello All. Gee, it has been awhile since I have been on here.

Well, since Thanksgiving is coming up I have been really thinking of what I am thankful for. The one that really comes to mind is my health. Why do you ask?? Back when I was 18 I had some issues going on with me and I was scared to say anything. I finally was able to tell my parents what was going on. They had taken me to a doctor in Dallas to see what was going on. Come to find out I had over 500 or so polyps on my colon. The doctor put the x-ray up and I had asked him what those little dots were. He said they were polyps. I had no clue of what he was talking about nor have I ever heard of polyps. Come to find out my Grandfather passed away from Colon Cancer. The doctor told me that if I did not this surgery I could die from Colon Cancer. Being 18 that totally scared me!! My parents were crying and I was not, because I was in shock. So I had my surgery and it was a success. I did not even have a pouch, which I was so happy about. I was in the hospital for a week and I was released on Thanksgiving Day. The recovering was really hard on me, but I made it. Now, I have to go every year for a Upper GI, because I just found out 2 years ago that I have FAP, meaning that I have polyps growing on my small intestine and my stomach. So far all of the polyps that were taken out were non-cancerous. My biggest fear now is, that there is a 50/50 chance I can pass this on the Madison and Brody. They have to get tested when they are teenagers. I try to not worry about it, but it still scares me. With me having FAP and since I do not have a colon there is a very small percentage that I will NOT get cancer, which is a BIG relieve.

I take a lot for granted and I should not being that I am 32 and alive!! Life is a very precious thing and at times I do forget that. I feel like God gave me a second chance at life. He put me on this earth for a reason, I should be really blessed for that!! That is what I am thankful for.

Gone but NEVER forgotten!!

Today has been one of those VERY overwhelming days. My Uncle Bill passed away this morning and my Sister's Father in law passed totally unexpected this morning. I can sit here and say I don't know how to feel. My Uncle Bill was a wonderful, caring and loving Man. We did not get to see them all that often, but when we do, it is always a pleasure to be around them. They would always tell us what kind of vacation they took, if it was a safari hunt in Africa or what my Uncle Bill shot. Travis envied my Uncle because of all the hunts he has been on.

I can remember when I was a little girl, maybe 3 or so. We went to their house for a vacation and they had this black dog named Jason (I think that was his name). I was so scared of him, but Uncle Bill would protect me from his dog.

I know my Uncle Bill is in the most glorious place ever and he is pain free!! I know he is looking down on my Aunt, letting her know that he is great and that is it awesome up here!!


I just pray for my Aunt that she will find comfort and peace at this time. I know she has a lot of support from my family and all of their friends. They never met a stranger. My Aunt is a very strong woman with a very strong faith. My Uncle Bill will greatly be missed but never forgotten!!

Thank you for all the prayers.

"Thought closet"

I am in a Ladies class at Church, and the subject that we are going to be talking about is "Me, Myself and Lies: A Thought Closet Makeover". This is the 2nd week of this class, and I am beginning to like it. It really makes you think of how you "talk" to yourself. Tonight's session was "Listening Guide" and all I can say is WOW!! As I sit here and type this, I am "talking" to myself and some are good thoughts and some are bad. I can tell you right now, that I am so hard on myself that is wears on me. I worry about everything, and it may not seem like I am a worry wart, but it is true. With me being in this class, I really want to learn how to tune out the negative thoughts and just think about the postive thoughts. Here is the worksheet that we had to work on:

* We are capable of making it well with our souls based on what we choose to tell ourselves

* We have the potential of saying things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else

* Your thought closet was deisgned to host eternal matters

* The words of your mouth include the ones you speak to your own soul

* The standard for ourself-talk is what is acceptable to God (I have a hard time with this one, because what if my thoughts are not worthy for Him??)

* God is the source and strength for your self-talk

* Every wrong word and every lie that is spoken can be redeemed by God

Here are some bible readings:

Ecclesiastes 3:11
John 10:10
Pslams 19:14 (this verse is the Motto for this whole class)

Then we learned about C-L-O-S-E-T

C- Care and concerns
L- Likes and dislikes
O- Objectives and goals
S- Secrets
E- Eternity (This one is a hard for me. I really want to go here, but am I "worthy" to be here, even though I ask for forgiveness all the time????)
T- Treasures


At the end, we had an open discussion how we talk to ourselves. I did not speak up because I was "talking" to myself saying "Dont say anything, because they might think you are being silly or dont know what you are talking about". My thought closet is in DIRE need of a DEEP clean!! As I stated before I just worry about everything as in, is Madison being taken care of at school, is she making friends, is she making good choices, is she using her manners, is she getting picked on. For Brody it is why does he get into everything, why is he such a Mama's boy, why does he hit and pinch his Sister all the time? Why does he throw fits all the time? With me, it is did I say something wrong to this person because he or she is not talking to me now? I cant believe I cant fit in my clothes that I just bought 4 months ago. Man, I wish I could be that skinny like her. Why do I have to have this much grey hair??

The funny thing is, we all at times think like this, and it is not healthy, because it just tears us down. Instead, we need to focus on what is in front of us and what God gave us. He gave us these special things, obstacles, challenges, blessings for a reason, but we forget about that. We need to take the time and be thankful for what we have in our lives. Dont let Satan win and take over your thought closet, because you have the power to OVER take him!! Let the Lord be your ROCK!!


May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight; O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

The cat is out of the bag

This past weekend was not a great one for me. I can sit here and say that I am not leading by example for my kids. I know that I have blogged about being a Spiritual leader for my kids, but how can I when I let the little things get the best of me?? I try so hard, but once I fail at something, and it can be something small that I fail at, I just give up. Maybe it is because I do not have that much faith in myself. I just look at my kids and just see how happy they are and how "worry free" they are, and I miss that for me.

So I am going to let the cat out of the bag, because maybe what I have someone else has, and can help me cope with this. A few months back, I told you that I went to the doctor and did not like what he told me. I have PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and ADD. That is a lot to swallow, but I am hanging in there. I am not going to explain why I have PTSD. I am not the one to share this with everyone, and I am not doing this to get to get attention, but I know that I am not alone. This is why I am having a hard time being a leader for my kids. What I say and what I am thinking is what is hard for me. I want to say this, or do that, but it comes out opposite and at times causes major agruements!! It is really hard for me, because I look at my family and see how care free and how "normal" they are, and it makes me upset, but at the same time it makes me want to work harder to achieve that. If you would have told me that I had this years ago, I would have ran. But now that I have a family, I cant run, because then I am teaching them to run from everything. I am tired of running from my fears, I am tired of giving up, I am tired of being tired.

So you are probably thinking that I have shared too much, which I know I have, but it feels good to get this off my shoulders. I also hope that you will not turn your back on me because of what I have. It does not make me less of a person, but in time it will make me a stronger person. I have a lot to work on with myself, and that too, will take time. I know that my family loves me and supports me 100%, so I am asking you do the same. Also, I am asking if you could say a prayer for me and my family. I just pray that I do not loose any friends from this, I just need your understanding and support.

Mother of the Year

Don't ask me why, but this has been on my mind for awhile, if there was an award for Mother of the year, I would vote for my friend Rachel Wells. You are probably thinking to yourself, where is this coming from and why (I cant explain why)? I know some of you do not know Rachel, so I am going to tell you about her. She is the most uplifting person you will ever meet. She just inspires me with all that she does. She is such a loving, caring, Mother to her boys and to her Husband. You will never hear her yell, but you will always hear a sweet caring voice that says nothing negative. I can sit here and I say that I look up to her and I envy her. Everytime I am around her, I feel so inspired by her. I wish I could be half the Mother/Wife/Friend that she is. She really is just an amazing woman with so many wonderful gifts that God gave her!! She will go out of her way for anyone and I mean anyone. Her heart is just so tender and has a very gentle soul!! She is always doing something fun for her kids, if it is playing in the mud when it is raining, or having awesome sleep overs. She lets her kids be kids, and she cherishes every moment of it by taking pictures, blogging and just enjoying the moments with them. I can sit here and say that she does not take anything for granted, she is blessed with what she has. So here is to you Rachel, I just wanted to let you know how much our friendship and all of your wonderful gifts mean to me. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me.

Madison's first day of Kindergarten

This morning Madison had woken up when her Daddy was up getting ready for work. So, he put her in my bed and tucked her in so she could go back to sleep. Then 45 minutes later my alarm goes off. As I was getting out of bed, all I wanted to do was hold Madison and not let her go, but I decided not to. I woke her up at 6:45 and she said that she did not want to go, and asked how many days will she go to school. Then she said "I wont go to school on the days that start with S, meaning Saturday and Sunday". I told her that she was correct. She finally got out of bed and wanted to get ready, but I told her she had to eat, but she stated that she was not hungry. I told her that she has to at least eat something because school is not like home, where you can eat whenever you want to.

We get to school and she is getting so excited. We get into her classroom, and her teacher greets her, and asks her to find her cubby. This whole time I have so many things going in my head, but I am really holding it together. Then the teacher asked Madison if she brought her lunch or if she will be buying her lunch (By the way, her school lunches are 2.50, that is expensive!! So if you are wanting to add to Madison's school lunch fund, please let me know!! Just kidding). Madison had to move her name on "Brought lunch". Then Madison wanted to see where she sits, and she found her name. Then the first bell rang, and it hit Madison hard that I was about to leave her. She started to cry and I felt so bad, but I had to stay strong. Madison was more worried about me crying and now I am worried about her. The teacher had a helper in the class, and she had seen that Madison was upset and she came over and started playing with Madison. That was my queue to leave. As we were leaving, Brody was saying "Bye bye Sissy" over and over again, and he kept blowing her kisses. It was so cute. I think he was doing this because he knows that he will get all the attention while she is at school. He was waiting for this day to come, :).

After we left school, we went to Mommy and Muffins so we can be with other Mommies. I was doing fine until we had to introduce ourselves (and most of you know that I am very very shy) and talk about our children we dropped off. Right when I said Madison's name, I LOST IT!! I could not even talk anymore, it hit me HARD!!!! I did get a giggle out of it, because Brody is sitting there with his finger to his month, saying "SHHHHH" when I was crying. He can always make me laugh.

As I am blogging, it is very very quiet without Madison here, and this is new to me. She is normally bugging me to eat, or watch a movie or go outside. I am really missing that right about now, but I know I have to keep myself busy for the next 12 YEARS, ;). I cant wait to pick her up to see how her day was and what all she learned. I emailed her teacher and asked about being a Room Mother, I would love to do that.

As I end, all I can say is, be strong and let your child know how much you love them, because they grow up so fast. Yes they may drive you nuts, but they are just kids and want your attention. They just want to be loved and want to know that you are proud of them!!!

Have a GREAT school year!!!

To say or not say, that is the question?

Question of the day: What do you do when something is so mentally draining that it totally overtakes you, and you are scared of the outcome?? And, not to mention it is hurting innocent people. Do you just lay it all out and not care about the outcome, or do we protect the "innocent", when they are honestly not innocent and just live with this "secret"???? I am sure we all have been here a time or two, but what is the answer?? What if your heart says one thing and your head says another?? What about all the anger that you may have towards this person or persons, because once you say something to them, they may never forgive for it?? But if you know in your heart you are right, they what do you have to lose?? If you did not care, they you would just walk away and act like nothing happened. But in reality something DID happen and you just cant walk away from this because you know that there are people hurting because of this issue. WHAT IS THE ANSWER???? Do you ruin a friendship/sisterhood if you confront this person?? What if you just dont care and you are just tired of this person playing the "victim", when they are the one causing all the drama and grief?? Or what if you do confront this person and you are just talking to a brick wall??? I know, I know we cant live on "what if's", but you have so many scenarios running in your head, that is just over takes you, plus you are just tired of being so mad and angry!!! You are just really hurting for the person that this is directed towards, and you just want to "fix" this so this person wont be "branded" for the rest of his/her life. This person deserves a chance to be heard, because there is only 1 side being told, and the saying goes: There are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story. But you know that there is only 1 person listening to him/her, and no one else will hear him/her out. The sad thing is, the person that is playing the "victim" always, always stretches the truth and you know this person more than anyone else.

The sad thing is, this should not be a debate, you should by now, know the answer. The person causing this grief to this other person should be confronted no matter what. The person hurting has EVERY right to live a happy life. All I can say is, this person needs to realize how much damage they have already done!!!